What women wish men knew about showing love… I’ve had eye rolling girlfriend conversations bemoaning this desire, in coffee shops, staff rooms & road trips. I believe I’ve discovered answers to this age old question. I encountered it at two very different celebrations. One to celebrate new lives beginning together & the other celebrating a long life, well lived.
I went to the funeral visitation to support a colleague whose 96 year old mother had passed away. She told charming stories of her strong spirited mother, exemplified even in the last days of her life as the priest had been called in three times of give the sacrament of last rites. She & her siblings shared how their mother had planned every detail for the funeral. She had her small collection of possessions labelled with details of where they were from, and who they were for (my colleague has six siblings). Except for one little baggie containing a cross the note simply read “I don’t know where this is from”. This little detail made us chuckle at her practicality & preparedness.
This past weekend was my daughter’s bridal shower. My young son asked where the word shower came from and I said I supposed it was because the recipient is showered with gifts, which my daughter certainly was. The internet says it originated in the Netherlands so a woman can marry a man with less means whom she loved vs. a wealthy farmer chosen by her parents. Ok, that’s not why we threw a shower. We had a combined family & friends shower that was tea party themed. It was girlie fun & full of details. The effort the restaurant owners put in to have the room (complete with their own family’s heirloom tea cups) & food felt as special as a mini wedding, had us speechless. Then there was the mountain of gifts. She became emotional with ones where the giver added personal touches such as family recipes, or monogramming with her new last name. One guest shared how she had perused my daughter’s Instagram for inspiration as to who she is, and subsequently purchased the coziest of gifts as my daughter equates cozy with all things good.
Within the span of 24 hours I had used the phrase twice about totally different situations. Details and effort are a demonstration of love. The mom who had so lovingly written notes & fully prepared the particulars for her funeral, the women who had thoughtfully chosen or made personal gifts had all expressed love through details & effort.
The answers to show love;
Put in more effort than you sometimes feel.
Purposefully observe so you can add the little extra detail.
This doesn’t have to cost money. It can be a word, a gesture, re-arranging or recycling what you already have. It’s the effort that will be appreciated combined with the detail you provide & the recipient will know it’s love.